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Around two and a quarter hours into Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, even Batman (Ben Affleck) has no idea what’s going on. A giant horned creature has hatched from an amniotic sac and is swinging from a Metropolis skyscraper. A kryptonite spear is lying at the bottom of a flooded stairwell. Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) is playing with a kitchen timer. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) is flying to Gotham City, premium economy. Superman (Henry Cavill)…well, let’s say he's temporarily indisposed.

“What’s happening, Alfred?” our hero barks at his faithful butler (Jeremy Irons) via the intercom on his Batwing fighter jet. There’s a brief pause, then Alfred’s voice comes crackling back, reedy and sardonic. “How best to describe it.

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Under the circumstances, it’s a reasonable question. The best I can do is apocalyptic sneezing fit: largely because whenever you think it’s dying down, its nostrils start fluttering again.

No major blockbuster in years has been this incoherently structured, this seemingly uninterested in telling a story with clarity and purpose. It grumbles along for what feels like forever, jinking from subplot to subplot, until two shatteringly expensive-looking fights happen back to back, and the whole thing crunches to a halt.
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That Wagnerian final brawl is exactly what you want in a film called Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice – but it doesn’t come close to compensating for the blithering chaos that preceded it. The first hour in particular is so haphazardly assembled, I honestly wondered if a reel had gone missing from the projection booth.

Perhaps the kindest thing you can say about Zack Snyder’s film – a sequel to his superb standalone Superman movie Man of Steel (2013), but also the lodestone of a new DC Comics Extended Universe, around which further DC films will cluster – is that its ambitions wildly exceed its reach.

Rather than opting to mimic the colour, warmth and wit of the Marvel superhero franchise, Snyder wants to show us gods and monsters, battling against a backdrop of lightning and smoke. Every other scene is a murky allusion to classical mythology or baroque religious art.

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Underdog-to-champion is an all-too familiar sporting film trope. You know, when you see a fiery young girl jousting with her potential coach, that she will come up trumps. The really good films stuff the script with freshness: you know where they are headed and yet you follow the journey with anticipation and pleasure.

Also read: Mastizaade review: Sunny’s comfort with her body is the sole reason for this film to exisFrom frame one, ‘Saala Khadoos’ seals the possibility of surprises. Everything is by-the-numbers, and you can pretty much predict what’s going to happen next. That’s what stops the film from rising above the ordinary, despite the fresh faces of the two girls who have leading parts, as well as the more experienced, bulked-up turn from R Madhavan.

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Adi Tomar (Madhavan) is a foul-tempered headstrong character who has fallen afoul of the guy who calls the shots in national women’s boxing in New Delhi, an oily, corrupt fellow (Zakir Hussain) who preys upon young female hopefuls. The girl Adi discovers on a punishment posting down South, Madhi (Ritika Singh) is an aggressive spitfire: she helps eke out for her family’s meagre earnings by selling fish, is her older sister Lux’s (Mumtaz Sorcar) support, and is not above throwing a few efficient jabs and punches when she gets riled.

Also Read: Mastizaade Vs Saala Khadoos: Watch the audience reaction

The setting is somewhere in Chennai. The faces are local and match the milieu. The man-on-the-spot, repping the on-the-spot boxing body is played by Nasser, who is relaxed and fits in well. The grizzled old-timer who watches Adi’s back in the national capital is done by MK Raina, who shows, effortlessly, how less is more.

You can’t say the same for newbie Ritika Singh. She is full tilt at all times, screwing up her face, her body, anger coursing through her veins, never letting up: after a while, you want to tell her to slow it down, to breathe, the part’s not going anywhere. She does manage it in a few places, and it’s in those instances that her smile lights up the proceedings. (Sorcar, as the sister, has a much smaller role, but is more effective). Madhavan too is revved up much more than is needed, managing to break through in a couple of quiet moments.

(PHOTOS: Mastizaade movie review in pics: There are barely two-and-a-half laughs in this Sunny Leone film)

The fact that it is about women in a sporting arena– heck, that it is a sports film– should be a thing to celebrate, and you can see that effort has gone into creating authenticity while training-and-fighting-in-the-ring, but ‘Salaa Khadoos’ is far too literally realized to be a really strong film.

Unlike Madhi’s hero Mohammad Ali, it neither floats nor stings. It drones.

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Ok, here we go. A one, a two, aaaaand, tada, Sunny Leone, she of the bountiful breasts, top-lining a film which calls itself, proudly, a sex com to beat all sex comedies.Having suffered through two hours of non-stop crassness, I am sorry to tell you that there are barely two-and-a-half laughs in ‘Mastizaade’. The alleged ‘masti’ is so ‘sasti’, that you are left cringing rather than cracking up.

Sunny Leone plays a double role, going by the name of Laila and Lily. One plays with her pusski, aka, cat. The other is a balls-cleaner, i.e, she cleans round, spherical objects with a cloth. The surname is, yes, Lele. (PHOTOS: Mastizaade movie review in pics: There are barely two-and-a-half laughs in this Sunny Leone film).

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This gives the script an all-clear pass to bung in rhyming jokes, and a name. Tusshar Kapoor is called Sunny Kele. This gives the scriptwriter a chance to brandish childish lines about bananas. ‘Coz a ‘kela’ is not a fruit. It is, yep, you got that. We get the humble ba-na-na featuring in many scenes– peeled, unpeeled, yellow, green: for variation, out pop water hoses, and other elongated things which resemble, yes, yes, we know you know.

Also read: Mastizaade Vs Saala Khadoos: Watch the audience reaction

Out come the standard, dull lines about ‘lena’-and-‘dena’: apart from the rest of the cast using these words every few minutes, we get a pneumatic doll sticking out every imaginable place with surgically enhanced extensions, talking of ‘loongi, and doongi’. Hear it for women, yay.

Body parts stand and droop. And we hear, sigh, ‘khada hai, baitha hai’. Coins leap up from crotches and stick in unmentionable parts. That’s at least a new one. Oh, and before I forget, Vir Das plays a guy called Aditya Chotiya, the surname lending itself to, yeah, you got that too.

Messers Kele and Chotiya are sex addicts. Yes, that’s how it rolls. And Misses Laila and Lily (the only way to differentiate between the two is that one wears glasses; the cup size, straining at jib, is identical) are at hand, ahem, to cure them.

Into this mix turns up a wheelchair bound hunk (Shaad Randhawa) whose working above-the-waist is, self-confessedly, totally in order. And Asrani, as a white-haired, rifle-clad I don’t what, and Sushmita (who was also in last week’s ‘Kya Kool Hain Hum 3’) I don’t really want to know. Suresh Menon is made to play the kind of grotesque gay caricature who bites his lips, and grinds his butt, and makes the faintest chance of laughter dry up.

Characters come and go, ha ha. Riteish Deshmukh has a bit part, oh yes. He talks of man-gasms, when he talks at all. In the rest, he goes beep-beep. Which is actually a smart thing: a whole film full of beeps would be better than this non-stop spouting of words and phrases that would convulse innocent

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In this genial but feeble action-comedy sequel, Kevin Hart's rookie cop Ben Barber comes on like a more flamboyant and foul-mouthed version of the pint-sized 1950s British movie star Norman Wisdom. He is the beleaguered little man, trying to prove his machismo and courage to a world that doesn't take him remotely seriously. As the film starts, he is a few days away from marriage to the beautiful Angela (Tika Sumpter) and is trying desperately to persuade Angela's brother, the hard-bitten Atlanta cop James Payton (Ice Cube) to take him as a partner on a trip to Miami to thwart a dapper Florida drug baron (Benjamin Bratt).

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The slapstick is energetic enough. We see the hapless Ben having his shoe munched by an alligator, eating rancid Mexican food from a bin, driving in harum-scarum way down the Miami streets as if he is playing a real-life game of Grand Theft Auto, and causing havoc during a very noisy finale on the docks.

The long-suffering Ice Cube plays the scowling straight-man role effectively enough and Ken Jeong is good comic value as a computer hacker and would-be Lothario. The film is likeable but nowhere near as sharp or as funny as you hope it is going to be.

In this genial but feeble action-comedy sequel, Kevin Hart's rookie cop Ben Barber comes on like a more flamboyant and foul-mouthed version of the pint-sized 1950s British movie star Norman Wisdom. He is the beleaguered little man, trying to prove his machismo and courage to a world that doesn't take him remotely seriously. As the film starts, he is a few days away from marriage to the beautiful Angela (Tika Sumpter) and is trying desperately to persuade Angela's brother, the hard-bitten Atlanta cop James Payton (Ice Cube) to take him as a partner on a trip to Miami to thwart a dapper Florida drug baron (Benjamin Bratt).

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After a bevy of problems — a director who quits on the first day of production, a series of cast changes, conflicting script approvals, legal battles and the loss of a distributor — the Weinstein Company premiered Western drama “Jane Got a Gun” at the Museum of Modern Art in New York on Wednesday evening. Natalie Portman, who produced the film and stars as the title character, Jane Hammond, made a grand entrance at the intimate screening presented by the Cinema Society — where she admitted to Variety that the production was “stressful,” but has made her a “stronger and braver” filmmaker.

This was the most challenging movie I’ve ever been a part of. There was an obstacle every hour, every day,” Portman, 34, told Variety on the red carpet. “It was interesting that all the problems we went through were parallel to the obstacles that characters in the movie go through. You kind of want to run away and hide, but you have to face the difficulties and stand up for yourself and overcome the challenges, instead of wilt in the face of them. So it was definitely challenging for me, but this experience has only made me stronger.

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Trouble first began when director Lynne Ramsay (“We Need to Talk About Kevin”) abruptly quit on the first day of shooting in New Mexico in March 2013. She was set to helm the production with Portman playing a frontier woman who must turn to a former lover (originally Michael Fassbender) to seek revenge against the band of outlaws (led by Joel Edgerton) who killed her husband. Fassbender’s commitment to “X-Men: Days of Future Past” conflicted with “Jane’s” shooting schedule, and he had to bail. Soon, a revolving door of actors — Jude Law and Bradley Cooper — were considered, before the final cast fell into place. Edgerton ended up switching roles with Ewan McGregor, who joined the film to play the villain, and helped bring in his “Warrior” director Gavin O’Connor to preside over the film. The Aussie actor also co-wrote the film’s new script to work out some kinks.
“I’m not a quitter. I don’t like to consider myself as a quitter, and I felt like I had to do something,” Edgerton, 41, told Variety about shepherding the film to completion. “When I sign on to a movie, I care about it so much. It’s not any easy thing to walk away. But there were a dozen occasions where I thought that the movie was dead in the dust,” he admitted.

So he took quick action: “We kept picking it up and slapping it in the face and telling it to soldier on. We did that because of the hard work we all put in. It really speaks to the testament and the nature of filmmaking — which is that, you have 40-plus people who are working for the same vision, and making great sacrifices every day in order for that vision to meet with an audience. There are so many things that can knock it down or trip it over, and we were faced with a lot of those things.”

The final hurdle Edgerton and the “Jane” filmmakers encountered was with the film’s distribution. Relativity Media was set to distribute the picture, but the company went bankrupt and gave up its rights to the film, leaving its future in jeopardy. Fortunately, the period drama was saved by the Weinstein Company, which will release the picture on Jan. 29.

“I bled emotionally for this movie,” Edgerton confessed. “It was the one of the hardest work experiences I’ve ever been through. We struggled to keep this movie afloat, so it’s a very happy experience to finally share it with everyone. If the movie fell down on its face and never got out, it would have been a very difficult experience. To reconcile all the tribulations that we endured and to be here tonight is a happy and proud moment.”

Portman, clad in a floral Valentino dress, echoed his sentiments. “I’m so proud of this movie,” she said. “I feel like I can do anything now. It’s kind of funny that Ewan, Joel and I directed our own movies after this one. When you make it through something so challenging like this, there’s a feeling of ‘I can do anything now.'”

After the screening, Edgerton joined his co-star Sam Quinn (Portman headed to the airport to catch a flight) at the swanky Skylark cocktail lounge located 30 stories up in the heart of Times Square for the movie’s after-party. There, Edgerton caught up with Australian actor Sullivan Stapleton, and later chatted with executive producer Harvey Weinstein. Before leaving the bash, the “Black Mass” star took some time to glance out of the floor-to-ceiling windows to enjoy the panoramic views of Midtown Manhattan and the Empire State Building.

Also at the party were “Crash” director Paul Haggis, actor Dean Winters and Isiah Whitlock Jr., who all noshed on the plentiful hors d’oeuvres and sipped on wine and Serpent’s Bite Whisky cocktails (with fitting names, like Wanted Dead or Alive, Jane’s Potion and The Shootout).